Is it Permissible to Have Marital Relations on Rosh Hashanah?

Shalom Rabbi,

In the past year my wife has had a short menstrual cycle with relatively long bleeding, which in most months reduces the days of taharah to less than two weeks, usually between a week and a half and two weeks.

My wife is scheduled to immerse (tovel) this week, so that the days of Rosh Hashanah will fall within our days of taharah.

It is brought in halacha that aside from the night of immersion one should not have relations on Rosh Hashanah. My question is whether there is room to be lenient in our situation, since our taharah days are usually short.

Thank you.

Dear Questioner,

The custom not to engage in marital relations on the night of Rosh Hashanah is not mentioned in the Shulchan Aruch or the Rema. It is brought in the Magen Avraham in the name of the Shelah, Orach Chayim 581:15, as follows:

“ולכן אל ישמש בליל ר״ה אך אם הוא ליל טבילה חייב לקיים עונתו ויחזור ויטבול בשחרית (של״ה). ובכ״ה כתב לא ישמש מטתו בשני הלילות אא״כ היתה טבילת מצוה שלא היתה יכולה לטבול קודם, לכן אז מותר ויחזור ויטבול בשחרית.” “Therefore, one should not have relations on the night of Rosh Hashanah. However, if it is the night of immersion, he is obligated to fulfill his conjugal duty, and he should immerse again in the morning (Shelah). And in his Chesed L’Avraham he wrote that one should not have relations on either of the two nights, unless it is the immersion of a mitzvah that could not have taken place earlier; then it is permitted, and he should immerse again in the morning.”(Magen Avraham 581:15)

The wording of the Magen Avraham is “אַל יִשְׁמֵשׁ” — meaning forbidden. Yet at the same time, this prohibition does not apply on the night of tevilah.

This ruling is also cited in the Mishnah Berurah there, 581:26, in the name of the Chayei Adam, though in a somewhat softer language:

“יש מאחרונים שכתבו שנכון למנוע עצמו מלשמש מטתו בשני לילות של ר״ה, אא״כ היתה ליל טבילה דאז חייב לקיים עונתו ויחזור ויטבול בשחרית. אכן אלו האנשים האוכלים לשובע בטנם או ח״ו שנכנס במחשבתו הרהור אשה, יותר טוב שישמש מטתו מח״ו שיבא לידי עבירה ויחזור ויטבול בשחרית [ח״א].” “There are some Acharonim who wrote that it is proper to refrain from relations on the two nights of Rosh Hashanah, unless it is the night of immersion, in which case he is obligated to fulfill his conjugal duty and should immerse again in the morning. However, for those people who eat to satiety or Heaven forbid, improper thoughts of women enter their mind—it is better that he have relations, rather than Heaven forbid come to sin, and he should immerse again in the morning.”(Mishnah Berurah 581:26 in the name of Chayei Adam)

According to the Mishnah Berurah, this custom is only from “some Acharonim,” and he even qualifies it by stating that if refraining may lead to sinful thoughts, it is better to have relations.

In contrast, the Yaavetz (Rabbi Yaakov Emden), in Siddur Beit Yaakov, order of Rosh Hashanah night, p. 321b, section 9, writes:

“יש מחמירים לגזור פרישות דרך ארץ ביום טוב הגדול הזה שנפקדו בו העקרות הצדקניות, ולא ידעתי מנא ליה. גם בדברי האריז״ל לא מצינו כן. על כל פנים בליל טבילה ודאי שאסור למנוע.” “There are those who are stringent to decree abstinence on this great festival on which the righteous barren women were remembered, and I do not know from where they derived this. Nor do we find such a thing in the writings of the Arizal. In any case, on the night of immersion, it is certainly forbidden to refrain.”(Siddur Beit Yaakov, Rosh Hashanah, Yaavetz)

From his words it is clear that he questions the custom entirely, even noting with a touch of irony that on Rosh Hashanah the barren righteous women were remembered and conceived—so perhaps, if anything, this should be a segulah to engage in relations on that night.

Therefore, in practice, in response to your question: Since both the Mishnah Berurah and the Yaavetz show reluctance toward this custom of abstinence, in your situation—where the cycle is short and immersion falls specifically on Rosh Hashanah—it should certainly be treated as a case of leil tevilah, in which all opinions agree one should not be stringent.

Accordingly, you are permitted to have relations. And as an additional measure of holiness, if possible, one may immerse again the following morning before prayer for extra purity.

Behatzlacha,

Rabbi Rafi Ostroff